Most leaders and team lead know they should give feedback regularly, but many avoid it because they fear conflict or demotivation. Effective feedback is not about criticism; it is about helping someone see what to repeat and what to improve, in a way that feels fair and respectful. Over the years, there have been a few tricky feedback moments in my career—some where I was on the receiving end, and some where I had to give it. Each one has reminded me that I am still learning how to give truly constructive feedback, and that effective feedback is only possible when it is grounded in non-violent communication.
I am deeply grateful to the senior leaders and peers who patiently modeled and taught me this art. In this blog, drawing from those experiences and leanings, I break constructive feedback into a few simple, practical steps that you can use with staff, fundraisers, or volunteers.
- Shift your mindset: feedback as support, not attack
Before opening your mouth, check what is happening in your head. Research on feedback emphasises that people receive it better when they feel the intent is to help them succeed, not to judge them.
- Go in with a coaching mindset: “How can this conversation help them perform better?” not “How can I show them they’re wrong?”.
- Choose the right moment: private space, enough time, and when both of you are relatively calm.
- Focus on behavior, not the person
Vague or personal comments trigger defensiveness, while concrete, behavior-based feedback helps people understand exactly what to change.
- Avoid labels like “You’re careless / aggressive / not committed.”
- Instead, describe what you saw or heard: “You joined the 10 am call at 10:20 without informing the team.”
- Use the SBI model to structure your message
The SBI model (Situation–Behavior–Impact) is a simple, widely used tool to make feedback clear and fair.
- Situation – When and where the behavior happened.
- Behavior – What the person did or said, in observable terms.
- Impact – What effect it had on people, process, or results.
Example:
- Situation: “In yesterday’s 3 pm client review meeting…”
- Behavior: “…you interrupted the client several times while they were speaking…”
- Impact: “…which made the discussion tense and the client seemed frustrated.”
Full line:
“Yesterday in the 3 pm review meeting (Situation), you interrupted the client several times while they were speaking (Behavior), which made the discussion tense and the client seemed frustrated (Impact).”
This keeps you factual and reduces the chances of the other person arguing about your “opinion.”
- Turn feedback into a two-way conversation
Feedback works best when it is a dialogue, not a lecture. Guides for managers stress the importance of asking for the other person’s perspective and co-creating solutions.
After you share your SBI:
- Ask, “How did you see it?” or “What was going on for you in that moment?”.
- Listen without interrupting; sometimes you will discover constraints, misunderstandings, or blind spots you were not aware of. This step builds trust and often reduces resistance to change.
- Move from problem to next steps
Constructive feedback is incomplete if it stops at “what went wrong.” It should end with a clear, realistic plan for “what to do differently next time.”
- Ask, “What could we do differently next time?” and let them propose ideas first.
- Agree on 1–2 specific actions and what success will look like (e.g., “Join calls 5 minutes early for the next two weeks” or “Let the client finish speaking, note questions, then respond”).
- Set a small follow-up: “Let us review how this is going in our check-in next Tuesday.”
Now the conversation is not just about a mistake; it is about a plan.
- Get the tone right: clear, kind, and mission-linked
Tone is often what people remember, more than the exact words. Articles on feedback repeatedly highlight that clarity and respect can coexist.
- Be direct but calm: no sarcasm, no raised voice, no public shaming.
- Connect feedback to shared goals or mission:
- “I am raising this because your role with donors is critical for our campaign success.”
- When possible, acknowledge something they are doing well before or after the corrective point, as long as it is genuine.
- Practice scripts you can adapt
Here are two quick patterns you can customize for your context. These follow SBI + next steps.
- For a fundraiser who is under-prepared for donor calls
- “In last week’s call with Ms. Sharma (Situation), you did not have the latest project figures when she asked (Behavior), which made us look less credible and she said she needs time to think (Impact). How did you see that call? What can we change so you feel better prepared for the next one?”
- For a volunteer who keeps cancelling last minute
- “For the last two weekend events (Situation), you confirmed attendance and then informed us late that you cannot come (Behavior), which forced the team to scramble for replacements and affected the event flow (Impact). What is making it hard to commit to these timings? What would be a more realistic way for you to contribute?” Writing and rehearsing a few such scripts for typical scenarios in your organization can make feedback conversations feel much lighter.
Written by Deb who is a social impact worker and part of letzrise team and stays in Bengaluru.